Compiled by Dér Stépanos Dingilian, Ph. D. © 2003

    There are perhaps very few cultures where it is accepted that women earn more income than men. In most cases it is accepted that men would earn more. The issue extends beyond income and is reflected in areas such as intelligence and level of education. But what happens when a woman is more intelligent, educated, and earns more than a man who could possibly be her husband, or even if she is married and earns more than her husband? This is a rather delicate matter in any culture, but is especially so in close knit communities such as that of the Armenian community. The intent here is to briefly touch upon the issues that arise in the attempt to find a soulmate and within the spousal relationship.

    It is very difficult for an intelligent well educated woman to find a spouse because for the relationship to develop, the male soulmate generally has to have characteristics that are generally found in any society: Either just as educated and from the same field as that of the woman, or he has to be a person who has accomplishments of his own and still has a sense of humility. Both of these characteristics can, but do not always, lead to appreciating of the female soulmate's especial talents and achievements. Unfortunately, such highly educated and accomplished persons who are also humble are very few and far in between in any culture and society, including that of the Armenian community. So how does such an Armenian woman find a soulmate? This is certainly an important issue that needs to be addressed.

    The same difficulty arises between spouses whop are married. Here, it is not necessarily true that the female is more intelligent than the male spouse. However, it can often arise because of family situations. This is most true among families who move to the United States. When the family arrives in the US, the male immediately begins working to make ends meet. Sometimes he works two or three jobs, even seven days a week. However, the woman, especially if there are children, she learns more literary English and gets greater insight into the American culture through her children's studies. As the children spend more time in school, she begins having more time to further her education. Along with education come other values and tastes. Within just a few years, a husband and a wife who moved here with their children, begin to find that they are drifting apart in their adaptation to the US culture and tastes. Unless the love is strong and the appreciation and respect among them is genuine between the husband and wife, the relationship ends in divorce, or at least in estrangement. Again, a marriage established on love and respect of soulmate can withstand and even grow when the wife begins earning more than the husband. However, if the relationship was based on feeding each other's ego or out of need rather than love, then it is likely that estrangement and divorce will take place.

    In situations described above, I am often asked if the male soulmate or spouse is the problem, is the possessive or backward one. Although this is often true, but it is not always the case. It is possible that the female who has the opportunity to advance sees herself gaining greater personal worth, and begins looking at the soulmate or the spouse in a condescending manner. A third possibility may exist where the couple's relationship is tied to their approval from society, that when the wife begins earning more, then gossip propagates around them and creates havoc in their spousal relationship.

    The circumstance of a wife earning more than the husband can certainly make more apparent the strain in a spousal relationship. However, likely the strain existed from the beginning and the spousal relationship was not based upon true love and respect of each other from the very beginning. Thus, the woman's earning more income than the man is not the cause of spousal misunderstanding, estrangement, or divorce. Rather it can be a catalyst that reveals the hidden vulnerabilities in a spousal relationship.

(This and related articles will be found in the book 
"Sketches from the Armenian Family Life.")

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