Treatment
of members of the opposite sex
is a reflection of our relationship with God
by Dér Stépanos Dingilian, Ph.D. © 2002
Regardless of where we are along our spiritual growth, our treatment of
members of the opposite sex always reflects our relationship with God.
Sure, there are many factors that affect our relationship with men if we
are women, or our relationship with women if we are men.
Some of these factors include whether the member of the opposite sex is
our friend, a coworker, a spouse, or even our parent or child.
But the deep respect and appreciation that we have for the members of the
opposite sex, and the way we treat them and get along with them is a reflection
of our relationship with God, and how that relationship is manifested in our
life. Let us discuss this in
detail.
First and foremost, we need to recognize that at creation God created man
and woman: “God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created
him; male and female He created them.” (Book of Genesis 1:27) The key here is that the true reflection of God in each of us
must reflect both the male
perspective of life as well as the female one because God’s image includes
both the male and the female. We
cannot truly and fully reflect God’s presence unless we fully comprehend,
appreciate, accept, and embrace both the male as well as the female way of life
that includes – the unique struggles, the sufferings, and the joys that
members of each sex experience in their life.
Yes, men and women have some of the similar struggles, and yet, there are
many differences on how experiences are perceived by each. For example, when a child is born to a mother, that child is
much closer spiritually to the mother than the father. Yes, the father may be happy, but the mother’s joy is above
and beyond that because the mother also experiences far more pain during the
nine months of pregnancy as well as during childbirth. It is for this reason that in the Bible the birth of the
Church is likened to the pain and the joy that a mother feels at childbirth.
This does not mean that the mother is more important, or that a child
will always be closer to the mother than the father.
Far from it! Rather it means
that during the experience of pregnancy and childbirth the mother’s
perspective and sense of this experience is far deeper and more expansive than
that of the husband. This implies
that from the Bible’s perspective, unless a male recognizes and appreciates
the woman’s pains and joys involved in childbirth, he cannot fully comprehend
the fullness involved as a Church goes through growing pains.
I can assure you that some who read this will say that they are not
married, they are not even thinking of marriage, and they do not even want to
get married. However, this does not
exclude them from the basic need that they have for a trusting relationship with
a member of the opposite sex. The
issue here is not the sexual relationship but rather the different approaches
men and women have in worshipping God, expressing their beliefs in
relationships, and their commitment to their faith.
The issue here is not which is better or worse, but rather the fact that
it is different. For example, while
on the cross, there was only one of the Disciples of Christ next to him, but
there were many faithful women next to him along with St. Mary the Mother of
God. Further, after the
resurrection, Christ first appeared to a woman and not a man.
We can say that there were numerous social and cultures factors that
allowed women greater freedom to pursue their faith. Yet, the fact is that they were there to bring the Good News
of the Resurrection to the whole of humanity.
For this reason, there is a special service in the Armenian Church that
is known as the service of the oil-bearing women. As another example, read the song St. Kreekor Narékatzee for
the Mother of God.
Yet, there is another reason that it is so crucial for us to have a full
understanding of the approach to spirituality from the men’s as well as the
women’s perspective, and it is this: All of us, males and females, are in a
female relationship with God! For
example, when God spoke to Israel, He said “you will call me “my husband”;
. . . you will no longer call me “my master.”” (Hosea 2:16)
When the Bible speaks of the relationship between Christ and the Church,
it is described as that of a Groom and a Bride.
Just see what the hymn of the Armenian Church sung during the wedding, Oorakh
Ler, states.
So in order for us to understand and develop a relationship with God, we
need to understand our role relative to that of God.
But comprehending these roles is very much dependent on our ability to
see life from both the loving
male’s and the loving female’s
perspective. If we view one sex as
either superior or inferior to the other, then we will experience two
instabilities in life – one, we will not have a full and loving relationship
with God, and two, as we struggle in the relationships with members of the
opposite sex, then we will continuously grow further away from God.
Obviously, the male-female relationship that we are speaking of here is
not the sexual relationship. It
involves embracing and accepting life from another’s perspective who is
physically different than we are, and experiences life in a very different way
than we do. Going out of our way and embracing this way of life is a
fulfillment that is far above and beyond any sexual one.
In fact, if the appreciation of members of the opposite sex does not
exist between a husband and a wife, the couple can neither fully be fulfilled
nor please God. For our purposes
here, there is an extremely crucial implication: Since full spiritual
development requires complete appreciation of the relationship with members of
the opposite sex, it follows then that insufficient appreciation of the
relationships with members of the opposite sex is a sign of incomplete spiritual
development. Therefore, the
shortcomings in our male-female relationships can help us, with professional
help, pinpoint our spiritual vulnerabilities.
In turn, as we will see, recognizing our vulnerabilities and their
origins, can help us trace back to the experience where we met God face to Face!
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