I. The parent's Perspective

Dér Stépanos Dingilian, Ph. D. © 2000

1. What are the most important elements that a student needs to learn in school?

1. Most parents agreed that there are basically two aspects to be learned in school:  The academic and the social.  They also agreed that the academic aspect of education includes gaining knowledge and information, learning how to think through problems, and be able to further one’s education and get a good job. 

However, trying to define the second aspect of education – social skills – there were a variety of answers.  The answers varied from learning how to get along with people, to how to listen to others, to how to assert themselves in society.  In fact, it was interesting to sense that parents wanted their children to gain in school the social skills which they felt they could not provide within the home environment.  For example, one parent who admitted that she could not control her son at home, insisted that the school ought to teach children how to listen to others.  Thus this parent expected the school to do that which she could not do at home!  The implications are numerous to discuss here, but few important ones are the following.  First, every parent has a different definition and expectation of the ‘social skills’ that a student ought to learn in school, which makes the educators’ job extremely difficult and uncertain.  Second, sometimes parents expect the teacher or the school to do in a few hours per week that which they cannot accomplish having the youngster living at home.  This raises false expectations by parents towards education and school.  Third, if a parent expects the school to do that which he or she cannot accomplish at home, then that parent will not be able to observe significant growth and progress in the youngster, thus concluding that the school system or the teachers are not accomplishing their tasks effectively.

            It must be added however that just because a parent is unhappy with a teacher or a school, it does not necessarily mean that they will not support the school or the teacher.

2. What is the student’s responsibility towards his or her education?

2. The parents agreed that it is mainly up to the student to apply himself to his studies, especially as he becomes older.  Parents also felt reassured, for some unknown reason, that if their youngster was not interested in education now, he will eventually outgrow that lack of interest, and someday he will want to learn:  “He’ll learn when he comes to his senses!”

3. What is the parent’s role in the youngster’s education, if any?

3. Parents agreed that their roles are significant as providers, security nurturers, guides, and role models without which a youngster simply cannot get the appropriate education.  “I cannot imagine how a child can concentrate on his studies if he does not have the basic necessities in life.”  Another parent pointed out:  “Being a youngster in these days is a very difficult and confusing task.  We as parents have to provide them with the sense of security – assuring that they are on the right track and that they will be successful in life – so they can continue focusing on their education.”  All parents recognized that they have the responsibility to motivate or ‘push’ the youngster towards higher goals and expectations in life.  If they did not have expectations, they felt the youngsters may never excel in life.  If they do not set a structure in life, their youngsters may never be disciplined.  Also parents recognized that what they are doing now for their youngsters may not be appreciated until later on.  “Our children understand that they are going to Christian school because there are benefits over public schools.  They understand and see our dedicated efforts as parents, but I still don’t expect them to appreciate the full impact of our effort until later on in life,” pointed out a parent who has four children in a religious school.

            Parents also admitted some of their shortcomings which they needed to overcome.  Highest on the list was the lack of time to spend with the youngster.  “My energy is drained when I get home, so I cannot listen to my youngsters.  Besides there are home responsibilities which I need to carry out.  I know it is not good, but this is the best I can do!”  Especially parents from overseas recognized their inability to help their youngsters with their homework.  Some parents pointed out that they make every effort to pick up their youngsters from school, because “Immediately after school is the best time when my girls want to talk about education and school events.  By the time they get to the dinner table, they have already forgotten about what happened and are thinking about other things.”

              The parents were also unanimous about the obstacles to raising the youngsters:  Entertainment and computers.  There is a need for entertainment, but they see this as excessive and placing false expectations in their youngsters:  “They tell the youngster he can make more money and be famous by doing less within a shorter period of time.  That just isn’t what life is about!”  But what about not letting the child watch the programs on TV?  “What difference does it make if your youngster doesn’t when the rest of the school is talking about it?” claims an angry parent.  “These programs are creating larger than life personalities, role models, heroes who do not encourage the youngsters to develop the positive characteristics of life which they will need later on!  They reduce life to a few moments of jokes, expressing emotion, and having superficial relationships and values!” 

            The computers were another area where parents recognize that sometimes there are greater losses than benefits gained from having them in the home.  “I can see the computer as a tool to build greater technical and working skills.  But having it at home, isolates my daughter from the rest of our family.  I know later on she will have trouble getting along with people because people are not machines and you cannot talk to and have expectations of other humans as you would of a machine.  Communication through e-mail can be cute but is short and in terms of incomplete statements and thoughts.  In real life we do not communicate that way.  You cannot use half sentences or codes in carrying out a meaningful conversation.”  Some parents are beginning to see that although the computer has advanced human technical capabilities, but may have also created unrealistic barriers to meaningful human communication and relationships.

            Parents spoke of an area of great concern, which students and teachers did not touch:  A prevailing sense and pressure upon the youngsters to not listen to their parents.  This is recognized by the parents who are born in this country as well as those from overseas.  “When the youngsters come home, it seems that they are already wound up and set on not listening to us.”  A parent summarized the concern of many when she said:  “It seems that by stressing the rights of the students in the school, they make us as parents subordinates and subject to our youngsters.  Of course we do not want to see abuse of children by the parents, but their information is so one sided that even the youngster is confused as to who has what right?  Who is responsible for raising the youngster?!  Is it the parents, or the school, or even the government?  This makes disciplining the youngster very difficult because he is already set to disagree, rationalize, and find you wrong even before you utter your first word!”

            It was apparent that raising and nurturing their children is a major responsibility which parents expect of themselves, and they felt the need to share their concerns and joys.  Without any exception, they all resonated:  “If I knew that I will have to go through this as a parent, I would have still had my children!  I know that someday I will look on these times with satisfaction.”

4. What is the role of the teacher in the education of the student, if any?

4. All parents recognized that there are very capable and effective teachers in all schools and they hoped that their children will at least have one such teacher so that their interest in education will be awakened and maintained.  These parents always appreciated when they were called by a teacher about concerns or ways of improving their youngster’s learning habits or conduct or to speak of new opportunities.  These gave parents the sense of team work in raising the children. 

However, these same parents also pointed out that such dedicated teachers are very few:  “Most teachers approach their profession as a job where they put in the hours and then go home.  They don’t really care about the youngsters.”  Another:  “In our days the teachers cared about us!  But not today!  They seem to say:  ‘We all got problems, and I don’t want to hear about yours!’”  It was clear that those parents who emphasized spirituality, saw its benefits, sent their children to religious schools, and recognized the team effort put forth by the teachers.  The religious theme and prayers with the students in the school gave the parents the sense that the teachers cared.  “It is as if the teachers are extended members of our family,” added a parent.

            The added rules and regulations in schools over the passed few decades, as well as the added difficulties in disciplining children these days, helped parents realize that perhaps these are not ‘the good old days’:  “You can’t discipline children today as you could when we were growing up.  Here is where the love of God helps me overcome a major obstacle, which the teacher cannot.”  Although most parents said they attended the ‘Back to School Night’ and briefly conversed with the teachers, yet it had not occurred to them that teachers were under pressure from all angles – the students, the parents, the school system, and their own personal life. 

5. Does spirituality help a youngster do better in school?  If so, then how?

5. As mentioned earlier, all the parents interviewed regularly attend Church.  Yet, more than half the parents stated that they did not see a connection between Church attendance and success or fulfillment in everyday life circumstances.  Church attendance is important to build one’s faith and belief, but they do not see how this growth affects their youngsters’ education or achievements.

However, those parents who were sending their youngsters to a religious school, were set on the view that religious education makes a great deal of difference in the student’s life now and later as an adult.  They cited everyday living circumstances where their children were very caring and helpful towards them as parents as well as non-family members.  A great sense of satisfaction came when the youngsters themselves discerned the difference between themselves and others:  “My daughter said – ‘Dad, I can tell those students from the other school are rude towards one another, and they don’t seem to be like a big family.’  I knew there and then that all my efforts were paying off!  My daughters eyes had opened to values and virtues.”  Another parent pointed out:  “More than winning the game, my son was happy about the fact that they prayed before a difficult play.  It is a Christian school and they are encouraged to pray and collect themselves before they do something important.  I was happy for him.” 

Sending a youngster to a Christian school is not easy because of the high tuition.  Yet, “I don’t know how everything works out, but I guess the Lord opens the way for the finances.  I never envisioned that I could place three children through Christian schools on our income, but somehow we are paying all the bills and I am confident that we will continue to do so.”  This summation regarding tuition was typical:  “It is probably my most important and worthy investment which I know will keep paying back forever!”

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Student - Parent - Teacher Relationship in Education:
A Summary of Findings

Student - Parent - Teacher Relationship:
The Survey Questionnaire

I.  The Student’s Perspective

III. The Teacher's Perspective

Voices of Experience:  Parents On Educating Teenagers

Teenager Related Cover Page

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