Overcoming Loneliness
in Male-Female Relationships
Here are some of the input we have
received,
through e-mail or in person as to what persons and or couples
have done in order to overcome
loneliness in their relationship.
I admit that I adjusted my expectations. It was not expectations of the other person, but rather expectations of the marriage and the relationship with my soul mate. Frankly, I was not expecting a whole lot. So when I met someone with whom I thought I can build a relationship, and she also seemed wanting to establish a relationship, I made it very clear to her. I said look, I don't expect a whole lot but only that we give our relationship the best we can all the time. You should have seen the relief on her face when I said that. You know, I cannot say that we were madly in love with each other, but I can say that we had a lot of respect for each other, willingness to understand, and the desire for us to grow together. Now, seven years later, with two children, neither of us can imagine what we would have done without the other. Are we madly in love? Are we the best for each other? I really don't know but I don't think marriages can get much better than this! We truly are blessed!
Let me tell you, I spent a lot of time soul searching. I kept asking myself: Why am I pressuring myself into marriage or even trying to find a soul mate. Why don't I first find happiness in myself, then let me look for happiness in a relationship. Well, it worked! When I began to enjoy life, it was much easier for me to put up with myself! Whereas before I was running after people, now people were running after me. I made a mistake and got into a bad relationship, but realized it wasn't going anywhere, so I pulled out. It was not pretty but I think it was the right decision. Now, I with this wonderful person, we are constantly in touch - you know, phone, e-mail, and of course we get together every chance we get. I am not lonely now, and I don't feel pressure because I know if this relationship does not work out, I will still not be alone!
All my friends say that I am crazy, but that is nothing new. What I did to overcome loneliness was to stop going to entertaining events. That's right - instead of looking for entertainment outside like in movies, shows, and stuff like that, I started reading the Bible, reading books about life, visiting school friends and even my parents, even though I really haven't been talking to them much, especially after the divorce. What I found is that I am an interesting person, I am joy and laughter to be with, and so I don't need these false personalities to make myself attractive to others. Do I have a man now? No, not yet, but I think I'll have one soon. Does it really matter when I find one? I don't think so, even though the sooner the better. I guess the biggest difference with me and the reason I think I am happy is because I don't feel that I have to be like others!