by Dér Stépanos Dingilian, Ph. D. © 2003

    Unresolved anger is the greatest obstacle to joy and happiness in life. This does not mean that anger in itself is bad or evil. Psalm 4 tells us “Be angry but sin not.” (4:4) The Disciples remembered the verse, “Zeal for your house will consume me,” (St. John 2:17) when Jesus Christ became angry and drove out the moneychangers, hypocrites, and blasphemers from the Temple. Christ became angry because he saw God’s house being abused, and drove out those committing that which is wrong – those abusing God’s name and house. Therefore “anger” is an indication that there is something wrong that needs to be corrected, there is an abuse that must stop, there is an un-addressed issue that is causing pain and suffering which must be dealt with. Put in another way, anger is an indication that there is an unresolved issue that is keeping life from being perfect and therefore is keeping someone from enjoying life and relationships! If this anger is resolved, it can become a tremendous source of energy and creativity. But if left unresolved, it becomes depressive, debilitating, and even violent. Therefore, the extent to which there is unresolved anger in our life, that is the extent to which we are robbing ourselves and our loved ones of joy and happiness. Part of the reason that such unresolved anger exists in the Christian community is because there are some misconceptions about the Christian approach to dealing with anger. Let us address some of these.

    Christianity, in its approach of “separating from the world,” does not encourage us to remain passive regarding human matters or walk away from a situation if we think we are becoming angry. As Christ described the Apostles and in turn the Church, “They are still in the world … (but) they are not of the world.” (St. John 17:11,14) Thus, being “in the world” requires us to see life in this world as it is, recognize the shortcomings and try to correct them, to have compassion towards all, and to be courageously involved in helping overcome these shortcomings. However, “not of the world” implies that our approach to resolving anger and conflict is very different than those who only know the methods of hypocrisy, violence, and deception. Thus, “not of the world” does not mean walking away or avoiding anger. Rather it means viewing anger as an opportunity to correct that which is wrong around us and resolving anger as Christ would do.

    Christianity does not encourage ignoring anger. Often people say that “Christians ought to forgive and forget.” Yet, nowhere in the Bible is the combined directive “forgive and forget” stated. If one tries to deal with anger by “forgetting,” then anger will continue fermenting, and it will become like an infection in an untreated wound that has closed without being cleaned properly: The wound is closed but not healed. If we don’t face our anger, we will always be edgy, distressful, and ready to argue. All this because we have not learned to “forgive” without “forgetting.”

    At the other extreme, Christianity does not encourage dwelling upon anger either. If anger is dwelt upon, then it can eventually lead to depression, cynicism, and skepticism. It can lead to generalizing that all humans are distrustful, that all men are cold and controlling, that all women are too emotional and irrational, or that everyone is out for himself or herself. These false and extreme generalizations arise from unresolved anger and they keep us from finding intimacy and joy in our relationships.

    Finally, no form of entertainment or escape can ever erase or overcome the depressive and destructive nature of unresolved anger. The more we try to escape our unresolved anger, the more domineering and controlling it becomes. The more we try to suppress it, the more draining, overpowering, and overshadowing it grows. The more we resort to entertainment as a means of raising above our depression, the deeper we fall in the abyss of unresolved anger, and the more our desire to live and love is drained. Escape and entertainment are not long-term remedies for dealing with unresolved anger, and if anything, they lead to even greater frustration and rage.

    In summary then, not anger but unresolved anger, is our greatest deterrent and obstacle to attaining joy and happiness in life. So let us look deep into our spiritual well, – what parasites of unresolved anger are lurking and draining off our zest for life? If we find them, and the chances are very good that we will, then we can rest assured that we can overcome them because we have the Faith that allows us to face, deal with, and resolve anger, so we may live a peaceful and joyful life and echo the words of our Lord: “Take heart! I have overcome the world!” (St. John 16:33)

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