Relationship Related
Questions and Answers Cover Page
[Please look for the list of questions below]

Here are some questions about male-female relationships that are asked by the faithful.  We have answered the questions as best as we can in the limited space.  If you desire a more detailed answer please e-mail us at drstepanos@aol.com and we will be glad to expound on our response.

Questions 1 
1. Am I doing the wrong thing by looking for a soul-mate in the Church?

Dear Father Dingilian,
            I would like to meet a soul mate that is a ‘believer.’  On the one hand, I attend Church hoping that I will meet someone through there, but on the other hand the people at the Church I attend do not impress me.  Some of them are not even ‘religious.’  What should I do?  Am I approaching this the wrong way?  Am I going to Church for the wrong reason?
                                                            Joan, Los Angeles

Dear Joan,

There are two important steps for which I commend you.  First, you want to marry a believer, and second you are attending Church and hoping that you will find someone through that community.  As to why you have not found a soul mate there and why you seem to be disappointed, let me address those questions.

First, you have not met a soul mate at Church because likely you have not found a person that has similar interests and aspirations as yourself.  Just because another person believes in Christ and attends Church, that does not mean that his lifestyle and aspirations are compatible with yours.  Even St. Paul points out that there are many people with various gifts in the Church.  In other words, believing in God does not change our interests, but rather makes them deeper and more meaningful.  So just because you and another person that you meet at Church believe in God, it does not mean that your life and interests are compatible.

Second, we all express our religious beliefs differently.  So if you see some people in the Church that act in a manner that you consider to be inappropriate or hypocritical, there could be a number of possibilities.  It could be that that person is not very religious but attends Church for other reasons; there are certainly such people.  Or it could be that that person has similar beliefs as yours, but he has had past experiences that make him express his beliefs in ways that are different than yours.  Or it could be that a person is religious but his beliefs are different than yours.  The point is that we really cannot judge others simply by looking at them.

By the way, I do not see anything wrong in attending Church and looking for a soul mate there, as long as you also pray while there and allow God to guide your choice. 

You may want to approach the challenge you are facing in the following manner.  Instead of looking for a soul mate yourself, ask God for assistance, and let Him create the circumstances through which you meet your soul mate.  That’s right – let God help you!  On your part, instead of looking for a soul mate at Church, get involved in the Church community as a service to God rather than a way for you to look for a soul mate.  When you place serving God as a higher priority than finding a soul mate, then you will discover your soul mate!

* * * * *

Back to Male-Female Relationships Cover Page

Back to Premarital Planning Cover Page

Home