Compiled
by Dér Stépanos Dingilian, Ph. D. © 2002
A Seminar / Workshop was held on Saturday July 27, 2002 at the Irvine Valley College in Irvine, California, with the guidance of Rev. Fr. Stépanos Dingilian, Ph.D., to discuss the Spiritual, Cultural, and Experiential Roots of marriage. The participants discussed some of the circumstances and forces that have formed the vision and idea of marriage in the Armenian family today. Both men and women also shared what they thought was needed for a marriage to be successful today in this society. These ideas are posted on the website www.hopeforfamily.org.
Prior to the Seminar / Workshop, a few people, especially those out of town, had e-mailed and asked a very interesting question: “What are the five most important characteristics that educated professional Armenian women are looking for in a man?” During the Seminar, the participant women mentioned the following set of qualities that they are looking for in a man that they would want to marry, with the most important listed first.
1. A ‘Godly man’ – These Armenian women stated that the most important factor they looked for in a man is that he be a ‘Godly man.’ By ‘Godly’ these women meant that he believe in God, has a sense of morals and values, with a clear and healthy sense of dignity, responsibility, and purpose.
2. A respectful person – the second most important criteria was for a man to have a sense of respect for himself as well as towards women in general, and towards a future spouse specifically.
3. Able to find balance – Life has become so complicated, demanding, and stressful, these women said that it is imperative that a man be able to prioritize and balance various demands and responsibilities in his life, and the future relationship with a spouse.
4. A true leader – These women recognized the importance for the man to be a ‘leader’ in the family through love, understanding, and guidance. They cited two important leadership style mistakes that lead to the downfall of a marriage – either being dictatorial and trying to rule forcefully, or being transparent and absent and leaving a leadership vacuum. The women cited that both extremes force confusion, lack of communication, and conflicts within the marital relationship because of uncertain and contradictory marital roles.
5. A progressive person – These women thought that Armenian men very often fall into the trap of becoming stagnant once they marry. This stagnation forces boredom and lack of growth in the marital relationship, which in turn leads to arguments and the need to find purpose and happiness outside of the marital relationship. They pointed out that a man must recognize that marriage is intended for growth and is not just a one-time ritual and an enormous party. A man must be able to create such an environment where growth, understanding, and progress is possible within a marital relationship so the positive values that have maintained the strong Armenian family can grow and flourish in this day and age.
This and similar reports can be found in the quarterly periodical by the same name and can be obtained either by sending an e-mail to drstepanos@aol.com, or writing to Hope for the Family, P.O. Box 54222, Irvine, CA 92619-4222.
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