The intent of this booklet is to suggest to adults and young-adults
an approach to dialogue with each other, and thereby strengthen the
communication between them, using the book Miraculous Parenting:
Strengthening the Parent-Teenager Relationship (ISBN 0967059216) as a
resource. Just as each person is unique, each relationship is unique as
well. So each adult and young-adult
group (even two people are considered here a ‘group’) must find the
dialoguing approach that is most appropriate for them.
The suggestions below are starting points that the group can build upon,
and they can modify as they see necessary to suit there needs.
This suggested discussion is of course helpful for parents and their
offspring. However, counselors and
young-adults can also use it. In
addition, it can be used very effectively by teachers, such as Sunday School
staff or home-schooling teachers to develop a dialogue that is helpful,
constructive, and also based upon values that they share.
A discussion based upon this approach using the book Miraculous
Parenting, can take place within a reasonable setting where the
participating members can share their discussion without a great deal of
interruption. The discussion can
take place between parent and offspring at home or an outing.
The discussion can take place in a classroom setting or on a retreat
where there is one teacher and number of students.
The key is to maintain the sense of dignity, integrity, and sincerity
between the participating persons.
As the name suggests, this is an effort to build communication between
two or more persons, to establish a sharing dialogue and not just the
exchange of words. Therefore, the
intent is to have all participating persons share their views and
experiences around a topic. The
discussion will be only as effective, meaningful, and lasting as both
adult(s) and young-adult(s) are sincere and supportive in their participation
and sharing.
There is no set program length or pace. It depends on the participants and the setting. For parents and their teenagers, it is suggested that discussions of this nature continue on a daily basis, and not necessarily in a formal setting such as: “Let’s you and I talk about this!” Young-adults will think about these issues, and will keep asking questions. Parents need to be ready and willing to set aside time right there and then and share their beliefs with their offspring. Remember, this is the start of a lifetime of sharing, and not just a program to be concluded and done with! In a classroom setting where teacher and students having perhaps 50 minutes per week to share, it is suggested that both reading and reflection around a topic be conducted ahead of class, so that during the short period allowed for sharing, the ‘fruits’ and ‘insights’ of the discussion are shared. For those conducting retreats, there is a great deal more time for reading, sharing, and discussing, and the pace is dependent on the individual retreat setup, objectives, and leader. The key in all these situations is the emphasis on sharing rather than the format only.
‘Communication’ is the sharing of the personal being between two or
more persons. Although we think of
communication through words only, and yet, over 85% of our communication during
a conversation is through facial expressions.
Although we think of telling others what to do, yet others learn
from us not because of what we say but what we do.
So we can safely say that ‘communication’ is a great deal more than
the exchange of words.
1. Importance of sharing for the adult (parent,
counselor, teacher, etc.) and young-adult
a.
Sharing helps the adult both in terms of personal growth as well as spiritual
growth. (Read pp 8-11)
b.
Sharing helps the young-adult grow, mature, and have a greater sense of meaning
in life. (pp 19-20)
c. Do
technological advances make the teen’s maturing process any easier? (pp 20-22)
2. Ways in which adults
and young-adults communicate
a. As human
beings at any age, young-adults learn by example. (p 13)
b.
Young-adults learn worthy and unworthy values from the adults. (pp 14-16)
c. The
sharing is even dependent on how adults communicate their values. (pp
16-18)
d. Let
us share as adults and young-adults the values that we see in each other?
Can we give examples of situations when those values were experienced?
Let us also discuss how our mood or importance of a discussion
affect the way we communicate.
3. The maturing of our personality
a. Our
personality matures and develops over a lifetime. During our teen years, there are certain insights we gain as
we mature. (pp 22-24)
b. Our
ability to communicate is very much dependent on who we think we are in relation
to each other. This is known as
‘identity.’ (pp 24-25)
c. As
adults and young-adults, sometimes what we say and think what we said
are different. (pp 34-35)
4. Difficulties in communication and sharing during the
growth process
a.
Some educators believe that there is anger and turbulence between adults and
young-adults during the growth process, while others think that such situations
are minimal if any. (pp 37-39)
b. Let
us share our view of whether the adult to young-adult relationship that we
experience is actually turbulent.
c. If
there is anger and turbulence in a relationship between an adult and young
adult, what are some ways we can interpret them? (pp 40-45)
d.
Compare and contrast some of the options that adults had when they were teens,
and today’s teens have as they are growing up?
How can these affect the mood of the young-adult? (pp 45-47)
e.
Adults and peers have differing roles in the maturing process of a young-adult.
(pp 50-51)
f. Let
us share some of our expectations of each other as adults and young-adults.
(Part II to be published shortly)
