Christmas - Alone but not Lonly

Christmas (Holidays) - Alone but not Lonely

Very often we have a sense of loneliness, especially during Christmas and times of holidays and celebration. Whether we are married or single, and especially if we are single, we tend to have this empty feeling that everyone else has someone with whom they can share their life and we don’t. We have this terrible feeling that the rest of the world is enjoying life and we are not. So what do we do at times such as these? Here are some suggestions that may be helpful.

First, it is imperative to realize that others, especially those whom we see with such joyous faces, may have gone through a great deal to reach that way of life. We may see others with a spouse or a family, and may think that they have an easy, carefree, and happy life. Thanks be to God, there are some families who are that way. However, it is likely that they have worked very hard and continue to work very hard to attain and maintain that sense of peace and joy in their life and relationships. Realizing this need for hard work to attain peace and joy, can actually be inspiring to us because it implies that we too can have peace and joy in our life if we strive for it.

Second, it is also important to be aware that the majority of the persons, couples, or families who look joyous are not necessarily that way. Instead, they may be doing everything they can to hide their real pains or may even be on the verge of breakup or breakdown. In such cases, trying to compare ourselves to others can be a frustrating and depressing effort. This type of comparison often takes place when we watch television or go to the movies. All the actors and actresses project a very happy and satisfying life, and we feel inferior to them. We ask: “Why can’t I have such a life?” Actually, when we listen to the news, then we realize that mot of those actors and actresses have miserable lives and relationships, and the reason they look so happy is because that is what they get paid to do. After all, they are actors, and by definition are not real persons in their roles as entertainers. So differentiating between who really is happy as opposed to who looks happy is a very important discernment that we need to make if we are to maintain a sense of sanity and peace.

Third, a Christian apologists points out that being ‘alone’ is different than being ‘lonely.’ Being alone he explains, comes from being ‘all-in-one,’ that is, being complete. However, being lonely means not having any trustworthy or supportive relationships. It is here that we must turn to our relationship with God more fully and understand it in greater depth. It is crucial for us to realize that if we have a trusting relationship with God, then all of our needs can be met if we make peace with Him. This does not mean that we will have everything that we want, but it does mean that we will have everything we need. Why is this important? Understanding this is important because it implies that we do not need another human being to give us a sense of life and direction, because we already have the ultimate relationship with God. This implies that we are an interesting person, we have a great deal of potential, and that we can be happy with ourselves. We do not need another person to entertain us or think for us. In other words, we are not lonely, but rather alone with a trusting relationship with God.

Fourth, having this realization of the trusting relationship with God gives us a sense of freedom to seek and build relationships with fellow humans that are built upon love and respect, rather than a need for company or attention which cause abuse, boredom and loneliness in relationships. It implies that we are searching for a person with whom we can build life rather than merely satisfy a need. My experience has been that by looking in the eyes of a person, you can tell whether that person is seeking a relationship to satisfy a need or because he or she is looking to build a loving, respecting, and trusting relationship. When you have this sense of peace within, and a desire to form a loving relationship but do not absolutely have to have it, then not only will you be more joyful in life, but will actually have an easier time finding loving, trusting, and respecting relationships.

So when you sense that life is passing you by, stop and take stock. Do not compare yourself to others, but rather first and foremost consider your relationship with God and ask yourself: “Is there anything that I need from God other than a relationship with another human being?” If there is anything else that we need from God, such as a purpose or a career, a sense of righteousness, or being appreciated, then likely we are not ready to fully appreciate a relationship with another human being. Even if God sent us the correct person with whom to share, likely we will not appreciate that person. So it is more advisable to take care of the relationship with God and make peace with Him first so we have this sense of ‘all-in-oneness.’ Then it will be easier to begin looking for trusting relationships among fellow humans – relationships that are out of love and respect but not out of need and necessity.

And how do we find this relationship with God?
By facing The Biggest Challenge: Spiritual Growth

We can also get other's input about dealing with loneliness
Overcoming Loneliness in Male-Female Relationships

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